It has been some time since I last posted. My apologies to you all and please forgive me. Since I first told you all about the promise God had given me of my life, all is still falling together like a puzzle. Everything broken, He has repaired, especially my heart. This year on July 11, I married a long time friend of our family/ the love of my life. Now believe it or not, when my mom was alive, she highly recommended him. Needless to say, I see why; He is perfect for me and he is everything God promised me when my marriage spiraled out of control ending in divorce, in 2010. I was extremely hurt but I thank God for healing me. I am most grateful to God for a second chance with the right one this time.
During my alone time, my relationship with my heavenly Father grew stronger, I learned to love myself, I bonded indefinitely with my children, just to name a few important things and to say, “I do NOT regret my time alone”. When I look back at what seemed so hurtful at the time was really a set up. God took something from me only to replace it with something better. I thought losing my husband was the worse thing that could happen to me considering that a year earlier I lost my mom and we were living with my dad in a two-bedroom apartment. But it turns out that losing him was the best thing that ever happened in my life.
In this season in my life, I am where I never thought I would be which is completely happy. As I asked God my purpose, I realize that my purpose is in the pain. There are so many women and men alike entrapped in such bondage where they believe they need a certain person or thing in their life. Perhaps that person is really a hindrance from God’s best or that thing is really stumbling block. Now I am praying for boldness so that I may minister to others using my life as an example. I am more than convinced that what I went through wasn’t for me alone and all glory to God for the great things He has done.
As God lead and guide me, I will share things with you. If you can’t grow with me then you can’t go with me. My friend Heather has prayer conference calls. I will post the time and date of the call as well as reminders. Whenever I am live speaking somewhere, I will tell you all.
Thank you for believing in me and for having my back. To all my friends who’ve opened up to me, thank you for trusting me to pray for you, thank you for liking my status’, page and subscribing to my blog. Nothing you do goes unnoticed because it helps me to remember the purpose I have on my life. God bless you all, sleep and rest well. Have an amazing week! Happy Thanksgiving in advance from The Boldens!
The number seven is one of God’s most significant numbers. The number seven in biblical terms means “completeness through union of earth with heaven.” As we all know, after God created the earth He rested on the seventh day. This is “The Unseen” of Part Seven, or in other words, this is the conclusion. Today, I decided to end this part of my journal writings and of course continue on offering other writing to encourage God’s people in their walk with Christ. This is a personal testimony of mine that, going forward, I will speak of in victory. Not implying that my journal writings were for my own personal gain, but rather, to lead women and men alike out of unnecessary relationships. I called this series “The Unseen” because it was something I went through that I couldn’t see how it would work for my good. God and I now have an unbreakable relationship. It’s in times of uncertainties that I learned to rely on Him. God used this to bring me and every area of my life into total submission with His purpose. He also used me to help others overcome in Christ through building a trusting relationship with Him. However, It was not by my works and I must emphasis that. I am where I am today only because of what Christ did for me. He loved me more than I could ever love myself. From my perspective, He got tired for me and saw better for me and then He took a stand on my behalf and I will never forget what He did for me! When my world fell all around me, He found me, saved me and through Him I’m still standing.
After hearing Bishop preach a sermon called “Look Up,” I decided to let the past and the pain go until I had total victory. So, when I speak or write about it, I’m anger free. I must admit that I have dwelt on it a lot lately. I’m facing forward but it feels as if I can’t move forward out of knowledge of what has happened and fear of what could happen. There’s a certain part of my heart that has fear … Fear of what my future holds and whether I should prepare for great expectations. Nevertheless, I must trust God and let it go. I realize that I can’t move forward while looking backwards. I pray for strength daily to do what God expects of me and I clearly see that the things I struggle with are really uncalled for because Jesus died for it all. In Christ I am more than a conqueror. This belief strengthens me to overcome. I have chosen to let the past go and stand firm on God’s word and will for my life, especially as it concerns trying to live with purpose.
The saying that, “time waits for no one” is such an understatement! I decided to let go of every thing in my life that’s hindering me from moving forward. I need change/transformations. We all need change in some area of our life. The change that we are eager for already exists. Majority of the changes in our life will require us to stop something to start something else. So, the final decision is whether we are willing to let go of whats stopping us from ultimately making those changes. Deciding to change is similar to how we decided to accept Christ as our personal Savior. Change is something that you have to want. As I obediently bring “The Unseen” to a closure, please know that it doesn’t really end here. There are hidden promises behind its entirety. In due season, I will most definitely write about every one of them as they’re fulfilled in my life. I ultimately intend on writing a book and converting my book into a movie. My book will have an abundance of details. Namely since, for the most part, what I have written is a brief summarization of the actual events. I promise to write the truth so help me God. Can you handle it? If you feel you can, I pray for your support! I love you all in Christ!
Please remember that you are never alone in what you go through and most of the time what you go through is not for you but for someone else. Sharing your testimony is confirmation to others that they can overcome just like you did. God is a very strategic God and when you allow Him to order your steps, there will always be someone along the way that needs to hear how you overcame. DONT be ashamed or embarrassed because you are still alive and to God be the glory forever and ever!
You make ALL things new!
And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true,” Revelation 21:5
It’s funny how when bad things happen to us, we think it’s so bad that we don’t take the time to consider that it could actually be good. We never really perceive what could have happened if the “bad” had not happened. I’m at the stage in my life where I’m beginning to see how the bad was good, especially those things that trigger the most pain such as my divorce. For months, despair, regret and pain would deluge my heart. Now that I’m healed, I have finally come into agreement with God. I’m able to see clearly now and I know without a doubt that it was good although it was bad. Everything about me is better now and I do mean everything– from my physical appearance to my perspective on life.
During this period I’ve learned so much, developed self-control and most of all my relationship with God is now unremitting. I have learned to put Him first in my life even before myself. Each morning that I awake, He’s the first one I speak to … my first conversation I have which is prayer. I believe that He is in love with me because I am madly in love with Him. To be completely honest with you, I don’t think none of the above would have been possible had my divorce not taken place. I feel like God literally moved the people from my life who was taking His place. God has taught me and is still teaching me in preparation for my second chance because my entire idea of marriage was wrong.
It’s sad to say but, sometimes it takes a person to reject us for us stop chasing after them and chase after God instead. Many of us have experienced this in life or will experience it. (I am the example here). With the wisdom I have, I would tell you that if a person decides to leave your life, let them go. Don’t try to reason with them … move forward! In the long run it’ll be good they left you. Sometimes people can stop you from getting what’s rightfully yours. I know that if anything is lost for the kingdom’s sake, God will replace it. Prior to your replacement, He’ll heal you, restore you and then settle you. God will do whatever it takes to improve you, making you better than who you were before.
God had to take from me to give to me. So after all, the bad wasn’t bad … it was actually quite good. My life then cannot compare to my life now. Many nights I cried myself to sleep but I will not take one tear back because my tears had purpose. I thought I was living then. Truthfully, NOW I know I’m living out my purpose. Today I have unimaginable joy and all glory to God! He framed my thoughts so when I think about the bad or anything bad that could happen … I’m not a bit concerned. I trust God and I know that I’m in better hands now.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28 (KJV)
I remember being in a drunken state so dizzy and high yet well aware of the conversation that me and my mother was having. I had slipped back into the world and of course I was too afraid to tell her. Whenever I was in her presence I told myself never to give her eye contact. So here I am laying here replaying all the recent events that had taken place the past few days. Unknowingly this would be the last conversation me and my mother would have. That day she spoke words of wisdom over my life and my current situations. I recall her encouraging me as far as my marriage went and telling me that I deserved better than what I was getting. I totally agreed with her not having a quick fix about how I would get to where she saw me. Suddenly I heard a voice saying, “Mama, wake u”! Then I woke up only to see that I was dreaming /reliving the last conversation me and my mother had.
Determined to stand on that promise that I made to my mother, which then I was just agreeing; I decided to put some action to our agreement. That day I sought legal aid and in two months my divorce was in progress. About five months later I was officially divorced. A part of me was so overwhelmed with excitement where another part of me was afraid of the healing process. Please be aware that statistics shows that after a divorce it takes five years of healing per year of the marriage. My marriage ended after a total of seven years so the outlook was not good. God had another plan in mind though.
That morning, I was in a terrible mood. I remember always being mad at everything, everyone and in a sense I was mad at life itself. I was hurting on the inside and all the pain began to show on the outside. I was so hurtful with my words and sometimes when things didn’t go my way, I would throw an absolute fit. That morning before attending Sunday service, my oldest daughter did something minor in which I totally blew it out of proportion. When everyone was ready to go and outside waiting for me I ran back in the bathroom to make sure I looked pleasant. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing beauty on the outside but feeling ugly on the inside. I whispered to God and told Him that I can’t continue on this way… I needed Him to heal me. During service who knew that Bishop would preach about God and His healing power. He touched on everything that I had ever faced in life that caused me pain; even up until that hour and even my thoughts. I went to the altar and stood there because I needed a touch from God. As Bishop prayed for everyone around me I hoped he’d pray for me but he didn’t. Instead he stood a few feet in front of me and spoke directly to me. I was overtaken by God’s annoting falling to the floor I felt something in the spirit realm release me. When I got up off that floor I knew without a doubt God healed me instantaneously. I felt refreshed, revived and full of joy all at the same time. Later that day I would see my ex-husband from a different perspective that is. He’s no longer my enemy, have me bound by chains of un-forgiveness or hurt from what he did. I was pain-free but most of all I was happy again. I ended that day singing and rejoicing in the Lord … my Healer!
He was wounded for our transgressions, He was abused for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed. – Isaiah 53:5
Time heals all wounds as some says. During my healing process I found that an understatement. Sometimes you’re so hurt that with time, your inner wounds began to appear in your actions. What I’m saying is not only does inner pain show in what you do but it can show in what you say as well. You’ll suddenly find yourself angry about life in general. Wishing you can change your past … not only the things that happened but the people in it too. Needless to say I was now at that point in my life.
As I continued my walk with God, our relationship began to grow undeniable strong because I totally relied on Him as He ordered my steps in a way that it could only be Him directing me. My husband and I began to see a lot of each other because he was coming around to see our children. At one point my husband would try to come back to me. I strongly considered because my heart was still with him … so I thought.
One day I made my mind up to let him return home. A part of me was saying give him another chance while another part of me was asking me what are you thinking? God works in mysterious ways and I never knew what that meant until the day I attempted to take him back. Here’s what happened …
When I picked the kids up from his home one evening he brought the kids to the van one-by-one and I simply watched him. My flesh so desired him so on the last child, I gave him a farewell hug which led to kiss which then lead to its ok to come home. He totally agreed but he told me to wait until the following day so that he can gather all of his belongings carefully. When I drove away I was so excited however I did not sleep not any that night. It was a constant replay in my mind of everything that had taken place between the two of us six months earlier. The main issue became trust … how can I trust him with my heart again?
The next day we both were still anticipating his return home. I dropped him off at work and went home to pray to my God. I needed a yes from Him before I made this move and of course the enemy was at work. He, the enemy will take God’s word(s) and revise them into meaning what it didn’t mean. I found myself praying all morning long and waiting on a clear word from God. Later on that day I picked him up from work. There was so much traffic that we began rushing to the daycare to pick the children up. He wanted to stop and pick up his belongings but I was unwilling to wait so I dropped him off and went to pick our children up from daycare instead. After picking them up, I went home and prepared dinner. At this time God had said nothing and I was in great fear of not only disappointing Him but making a vital error of returning to what God had taking from me. I pleaded with God to send me one word… just one! Still nothing so I called my children and we got ready to go get him. As I backed out the drive way my phone began to ring. I answered it only to find my friend on the line that was so outspoken and blunt about everything. God knew that this was just who I needed to speak to because she will tell me how it is and was careless about how it made me feel. I told the kids to go in the house so that I can share with her my plans. Once I went over everything with her, it’s like she snapped but in a godly way. She was there during everything that had happen and was totally aware of the plans/promises that God had made towards me. While in tears she reminded me of His greatness towards me and asked me if I really believed Him … and that He was able to do what He said He would do. After hanging up with her I was in tears too and totally speechless. God knew exactly what He was doing and how my day would end even before it started. I repented for even wanting to go back. I vowed to take God at His word no matter how bad I wanted to go back to him.
I called him and explained to him that we cannot get back together because God said no! God loves me and He loved me especially when he left. I tried to tell him about the promises God had made to me but of course he didn’t want to hear that. He hung the phone up in my face but later he called back and apologized to me. The following day his aunt informed me that his girlfriend was now pregnant by him. All I could do was thank God for changing my mind and redeeming me from more heartache.
When God is silent to your prayers you are to continue doing what He told you to do last.
“Move Forward” …
“…Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert…” – Isaiah 43:18-19
As the days went on I began making specific plans for me and my children’s future. God and I relationship grew stronger especially when He told me I was in His will and I was exactly where He wanted me at this point in my life. I never doubted God or His promises although I had questions about my failed marriage.
About two weeks had passed since my husband’s departure and he finally answered my phone call. We began discussing our marriage. He had so many bad things to say about me and who I was as his wife. In spite of everything he said I still asked him to come home and we can possibly seek marriage counseling. That’s when he explained to me that he and the young woman who was at the house where he now resided had entered into a relationship. Now this woman was eight months pregnant by someone else. Mind you my husband had only been home for seven months. Out of all the years of knowing my husband, he had never mentioned this woman who he is now telling me he knew before we separated. I remember asking him, “How you could be with a woman who’s pregnant by another man, when you have a wife who’s pregnant by you”? No matter what his reply was there was no proper explanation! He told me to wait and see what happens with him and his new girlfriend and if things don’t work out … then he’ll come back.
I would lay awake that night replaying the words that he had spoken to me earlier that day. “Was I really the bad wife that he said I was”? Why should I wait to see the outcome of his new relationship … is there a life lesson here or am I better than that? “Lord, help me … speak a word to my marriage”, I exclaimed. I opened my bible not intending to read any specific verse and there it was.
But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the
Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.
I Corinthians 7:15 (New Living Translation)
To be continued …