Time heals all wounds as some says. During my healing process I found that an understatement. Sometimes you’re so hurt that with time, your inner wounds began to appear in your actions. What I’m saying is not only does inner pain show in what you do but it can show in what you say as well. You’ll suddenly find yourself angry about life in general. Wishing you can change your past … not only the things that happened but the people in it too. Needless to say I was now at that point in my life.
As I continued my walk with God, our relationship began to grow undeniable strong because I totally relied on Him as He ordered my steps in a way that it could only be Him directing me. My husband and I began to see a lot of each other because he was coming around to see our children. At one point my husband would try to come back to me. I strongly considered because my heart was still with him … so I thought.
One day I made my mind up to let him return home. A part of me was saying give him another chance while another part of me was asking me what are you thinking? God works in mysterious ways and I never knew what that meant until the day I attempted to take him back. Here’s what happened …
When I picked the kids up from his home one evening he brought the kids to the van one-by-one and I simply watched him. My flesh so desired him so on the last child, I gave him a farewell hug which led to kiss which then lead to its ok to come home. He totally agreed but he told me to wait until the following day so that he can gather all of his belongings carefully. When I drove away I was so excited however I did not sleep not any that night. It was a constant replay in my mind of everything that had taken place between the two of us six months earlier. The main issue became trust … how can I trust him with my heart again?
The next day we both were still anticipating his return home. I dropped him off at work and went home to pray to my God. I needed a yes from Him before I made this move and of course the enemy was at work. He, the enemy will take God’s word(s) and revise them into meaning what it didn’t mean. I found myself praying all morning long and waiting on a clear word from God. Later on that day I picked him up from work. There was so much traffic that we began rushing to the daycare to pick the children up. He wanted to stop and pick up his belongings but I was unwilling to wait so I dropped him off and went to pick our children up from daycare instead. After picking them up, I went home and prepared dinner. At this time God had said nothing and I was in great fear of not only disappointing Him but making a vital error of returning to what God had taking from me. I pleaded with God to send me one word… just one! Still nothing so I called my children and we got ready to go get him. As I backed out the drive way my phone began to ring. I answered it only to find my friend on the line that was so outspoken and blunt about everything. God knew that this was just who I needed to speak to because she will tell me how it is and was careless about how it made me feel. I told the kids to go in the house so that I can share with her my plans. Once I went over everything with her, it’s like she snapped but in a godly way. She was there during everything that had happen and was totally aware of the plans/promises that God had made towards me. While in tears she reminded me of His greatness towards me and asked me if I really believed Him … and that He was able to do what He said He would do. After hanging up with her I was in tears too and totally speechless. God knew exactly what He was doing and how my day would end even before it started. I repented for even wanting to go back. I vowed to take God at His word no matter how bad I wanted to go back to him.
I called him and explained to him that we cannot get back together because God said no! God loves me and He loved me especially when he left. I tried to tell him about the promises God had made to me but of course he didn’t want to hear that. He hung the phone up in my face but later he called back and apologized to me. The following day his aunt informed me that his girlfriend was now pregnant by him. All I could do was thank God for changing my mind and redeeming me from more heartache.
When God is silent to your prayers you are to continue doing what He told you to do last.
“Move Forward” …
“…Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert…” – Isaiah 43:18-19